It has now been three months – 12 weeks precisely – since I walked away from the most toxic situation of my life. Three months since I walked away from a community I used to be part of, people I thought I had strong connections to, and in particular, someone who I once had so much respect and admiration for, who turned out to be a very different person to what I imagined them to be. Just last night that person tried contacting me again, and it was the first time that I didn’t experience a major bout of anxiety or panic upon seeing the message they had sent me. Slowly but surely I am taking back control of my life.
On more than one occasion I’ve been struck by that line from the old Jim Henson film, The Labyrinth. It’s funny, since I’ve only seen it once or twice, and that would have to be a decade ago now, but I keep remembering the words of the protagonist to the Goblin King at the end of the film: “You have no power over me.” With that realisation and assertion, she is able to break the spell and regain control. Likewise, I have been reminding myself that this person I was so messily entangled with only has power over me if I allow them to.
Things are still going to take time, and I’m sure I’ll continue to have my ups and downs as time goes on, but for now I’m feeling positive. I’m starting to feel a little more settled, and finding my feet again, and I’m a lot more hopeful about the future. There are still a lot of unanswered questions that I will have to deal with in time, like how much to tell people or who to open up to about things, but I guess I just need to try to take those things as they come.