I wish I knew where to begin with explaining everything. I’m starting to feel more and more like it will be therapeutic in a way to continue with this blog in some way as a way of expressing and coming to terms with things. Not that many people at all read my blog, but at least it’s some kind of outlet. Maybe it’s because it feels so suffocating sometimes knowing how much has had to be left unsaid – how there are few people I can talk openly to about everything that’s happened, and even fewer who have any chance of understanding. And then I’m still coming to terms with everything myself. Things are getting easier and life is getting better, but I’m still having my moments of feeling completely overwhelmed or paralysed by memories or triggers of different kinds. I know it’s going to take time, but I wonder if I’m ever going to be able to completely move on from everything that’s happened. Everything seems like a struggle at times, especially spiritually. I need to remember what I heard in a homily last weekend, about how God causes our faith to sprout and grow once seeds are planted, even when we can’t see or feel anything and don’t understand what’s happening, how or why. I just need to pray as best I can and persevere through the fog, and trust that He is somehow working through all of this.